Because my life rules, instead of having a nice relaxing Sunday at home watching the NBA playoffs, I got to spend it fighting the biggest swarm of bees I have ever seen in real life. I initially noticed the 25 foot by 25 foot swarm of bees overhead when pulling into the garage. "Perfect." I uttered to myself. I stood and looked at the swarm from a distance for a couple of minutes, hesitant and unsure of how I should act. So I came inside and took an eagle's eye view of the swarm from my bedroom window. That is when I noticed the huge glob of bees conveniently located about 1 foot away from my window and another 8 feet or so from where I sleep (that dark mass on the left side of the picture). "That's fantastic..." I uttered to myself. The buzzing was remarkable and bees were kamikazeing recklessly into my window. I couldn't allow them to build a hive there. I'd never be able to sleep knowing how hard 8,000 little worker bees were working just feet from where I do the bulk of my being really lazy. I have enough guilt about how much I sleep as it is. And, I wouldn't want to be the victim of some covert ninja bee attack some night when I wasn't expecting it. I had to act.

So, I planned. That basically means that I figured out how to spray the bees with the hose without getting killed by the deadly buzzing squadron. I cracked the garage door open a tad in preparation for my escape. Nervously, I manned the hose and hit the core of the bees with a fairly significant spray of water. They didn't budge. I fought the urge to flee and persisted with the spray. They were wet, but they were still there. They didn't seem to be pissed off about it. They didn't even come after me at all. For some reason I was a little disappointed and under whelmed by their reaction to my tactic, so I decided to make my Indiana Jones escape under the garage door anyway, needlessly scraping my finger on the ground. Bees:1 j.:0.

I came up with the second most predicable idea I'd had all day as I washed the blood off of my finger in the kitchen sink. I would spray them with ant and fly spray. I know, "why not bee spray!?!?" I didn't have any bee spray. I was fighting this battle on adrenalin and fear, not reason and forethought. It took me about 5 minutes to get up the courage to crack my window open the five inches I would need to spray them with a coating of the ant and fly spray. I did it, shaking the can violently and getting the can as close as my wussy brain would allow my hand to go towards the bees. I could feel them bouncing off my fingers. I have never felt more alive! I even managed to spray them without letting any bees in the house.

Initially, this tactic seemed to have failed as miserably as the first one did; they weren't acting upset about it at all. However, they slowly began falling off and down and onto the carport roof below. "It's working!" I felt like Napoleon must have felt after the battle of Austerlitz. The spray was dazing the bees more than it was killing them, but the bee ball was losing it's size. I was making ground! Encouraged with my progress, I gave them another spraying. More dropping bees. The battle had turned.

As I type, I am cautiously optimistic that I will win this war. The wind is whipping up and it looks as though most of the bees have moved on, save a dozen or so entrenched renegades who are undoubtedly planning my demise. I say "bring it on." I have my ant and fly spray at the ready near my bed. I also have really good hearing and am a light sleeper, so I should be able to escape an attack by running like a little sissy schoolgirl.

I got home late last night, my clothes smelling of campfire smoke and my breath smelling faintly of the Ram Pale Ale beer that I had been drinking. The power in the house was out (due to that freakish storm that passed overhead while we sat around the campfire). I couldn't sleep (it was about 2:30 or so), so I sat up, listened to music on my trusty iPod and read The Great Gatsby (again) in it's entirety by candlelight. I felt like the lovechild of Abraham Lincoln and Neo. I couldn't stop, for some reason. The lights popped on at about 5:30 (and freaked the shit out of me). Yesterday was a pretty productive day, all things considered.

People have been giving me shit about not having any fun lately. Hog wash. Check out what craziness ensues after 5 o'clock until the end of my day. My right monitor turns into entertainment central. On this screen I pick the music I want to hear, watch viral videos, episodes of The Office I've downloaded, Family Guy classics, Arrested Development Season 3, etc. Today I am tracking the Cavs as they (hopefully) close out the Pistons in Game 6 of the Eastern Conference Semi-finals.

So, lay off, I have fun and work at the same time. Oh sure it isn't "interaction" or "exercise" or anything like that, but we aren't all Arabian princes. Some of us have a struggling start up to keep afloat.

I have beeen thinking that I do need to get outside more though. It says here on my screen that it is 87 degrees and sunny. Sounds kinda nice. Maybe I should install a web cam outside so I can observe this "weather" people speak of.

http://www.eleceng.adelaide.edu.au/Personal/dabbott/animal.html

For most of you, I am assuming that it has been a long time since you had a real math problem to do, but don't worry. We'll get through this. To make the problem seem a little less daunting, I've included colors. Notice that yellow and blue makes green.

The above equation is a simple yet effective formula that explains what people (like you) need to do in order to stay awesome. If you are thinking to yourself, "Am I awesome in the first place?" and/or "Do I need to continue to be awesome?" the answer is "yes!". Now that we've settled this potential preliminary stumbling point, let us now discuss what each of these blocks mean.

Yellow - Check a Biz is what I spend all of my time on now. Most of you are aware of this. You can find out more here in case you aren't familiar with Check a Biz yet. It is a site driven by members (Note: CAB is free and takes 1 minute to register). Check a Biz will only ever be as good as the sum of the awesomeness of the people who use it. That is why I make this desperate and sincere appeal to you. Remember, you are awesome. That means if you use it, it too will be awesome. Therefore, it will be worthy of your time and use..because awesome people have to use awesome Web services. It is a perfect circle.

Blue - I can say with almost 100% certainty that each of you eat and drink. I can also assume that you do not grow, brew or in some other way manufacture the entirety of the food and beverages you consume. That means that you get your sustenance via some other agent, a portion of which are likely 3rd party suppliers (bars, restaurants, sidewalk vendors, strip club vending machines, etc.). These 3rd party suppliers are who I hope you will rate and review on Check a Biz, after you register, of course (see equation (above)).

Green - This is the necessary result of the first two requirements of the equation being satisfied.

Now, don't think that I am expecting any of you to do any of these things (other than being awesome, which I know all of you do naturally...except one person, but that is another story) without there being something in it for you. I probably wouldn't (unless the person asking me to do something for them spent time making graphics of math problems to ask me to do what they wanted me to do). Check a Biz will be releasing it's first round of CAB posters on the first of June, which is about 2 weeks away. These posters will look like this, but with real CAB members (like you, hopefully... see Yellow, above) on them, along with an amusing quote from one of that member's restaurant / bar ratings. I'd love to feature some friends of mine on these posters (remember you are awesome) to thank you for putting up with all of this nonstop harassment about Check a Biz. These posters will be seen on the CAB site, our MySpace page, in our print ads and anywhere else we can afford to get them in front of people. You're gonna be kind of a "big deal."

Or, if this whole equation seems like too much work to fit into your busy schedules, forget about it. Maybe my "awesome" radar is off. Just kidding. (but) Seriously.

There is a Bob Loblaw Law Blog site out there already, sorta. I found it while I was looking to see if the www.bobloblawlawblog.com domain is available. I think someone has it already. This upsets me.

Arrested Development is the greatest show that has ever been on tv. Don't agree? You obviously haven't seen every episode (which I have, several times over. Even season 3, which I downloaded illegally because I couldn't wait for it to come out on DVD). One of the millions of reason I love Arrested Development is the lawyer character they have on there. Scott Baio plays him. His name is Bob Loblaw. Say it out loud. [audible giggle while I type after saying it aloud 3 times]. Bob Loblaw has a website where he makes posts about law-related issues of concern to him. It's name is "The Bob Loblaw Law Blog." God damn that is funny.

I called this post in so that I could share what 5 or so minutes of my day is like here at CAB world headquarters. This is a song by Latyrx called 'Lady Don't Tek No' that I have been digging lately. I also have it on my MySpace profile page right now.

Mulitply this post by like 120 (with different yet equally awesome songs) and that is what a day is like here. Enthralling, I know.

So, most of you have probably heard that we are trying to get a group together to go as Vikings on Halloween. I have been a supporter of this idea for a number of months now, and figured that I needed to keep reminding everyone that they are going as a Viking for Halloween (whether they want to or not - what, did you think you had a choice? Oh...you did? What a sweet kid.) Otherwise, I will be the only one who shows up as a Viking and everyone will think I am supposed to be some sort of gigantic Gimli or something. Actually that would be sweet too.

There are a number of requirements that must be satisfied if we are going to pull this off the way I know we can:

1. Badass Names
Mine is 'Tor Doomhammer.' Another one I have heard being contemplated is Lothar Odinsson. There are some Viking Name Generators online. They aren't great, but it'd be a start. It's probably better if we made up our own, but whatever. Mine came off the bathroom wall the other night at that bar, so keep your eyes peeled. Especially when you have your fly down.

2. Weapons
This is key! You must have realistic looking weapons to carry around with you. I am talking swords (battle or decorative), long knives, long bows, battle axes, short axes, maces, warclubs, flails, spears, helmets (even horned ones, although the horned Viking helmet seems to be mostly myth), sheilds, and any one of the many other tools that Vikings used to enforce Viking justice on the pansy-ass Englishmen and other lily-livered weaklings.

3. ALongboat
This is really going to top off the whole 'going as Vikings' thing. We are going to craft a longboat out of cardboard, wire, wood, paint, blood, and rope. It will undoubtedly be the raddest thing this town has ever seen. We will tie it to trees and lock it with a bike lock so no one steals it when we are inside the bars imbibing and rabble rousing. Who is going to mess with a few dozen (yes, a few dozen...so get on board, you lazy ass) drunk Vikings (and Valkyries)...with weapons...and cell phones? Drunk chicks dressed as devils, angels, cats or nurses, that’s who. And we shall slay them all.

4. Lots of Alcohol
This shouldn't be a problem. Customized Viking steins are also a good idea. I am bringing a goblet.

5. Facial Hair
Mandatory for the men; optional for women. I will be accentuating mine with beads, shards of glass, a sprinkling of sand and steak sauce.

6. Garb
This should go without saying, but there can't be any name brand clothing or anything like that. Let's keep it authentic, people. Visit the thriftstores. Anything with hides and/or hair is good. Additionally, if anyone shows up in a Minnesota Vikings jersey in a half-assed attempt to be funny because they slacked and/or were too scared to put together a proper Viking costume, I will cut them in half with my sword. I am not kidding. It's a big one.

7. Horses (optional)
If anyone rides into Reef on horseback, I will shower then with congratulations, undying respect and beer, the likes of which the world has never seen before. And I'll pay for their bail and all of that too.

That's about it. It will be fun.