This random photo that was taken some time this morning by my increasingly intelligent and unmanageable computer is notable not because I look super cool with my shades on my head (admit it, it is pretty damn rad), but rather because the background reveals that I reorganized my office furniture. In case you missed the 20/20 piece on this topic last week, now you know. Also, that box on the right is a box of 1000 Check a Biz Sponsor double sided static cling decals. They turned out super! Yay for Check a Biz.

I found some analogies that were originally found in some high school students' papers. If you ask me, they should hire these kids to write a sitcom. Anything would be better than "Deal or No Deal." Except perhaps "Show Me The Money." Ugh… William Shatner is now officially a Shatner impersonator, and shitty one at that.

Anyway, here are the highlights...

My favorite - He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.

Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long it had rusted shut.

He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

It looks like this is all just really good video editing. I can't imagine how long it took to put it all together.

Since I can't make any promises about my posts being substantively interesting, I figured I'd let you know about a little thing I discovered a couple days ago that will make the text on your computer smooth and sleek like the butt of a baby Ferrari.

If you already know about this, or if your computer's settings already had this feature enabled, sorry.

Rake Handle



Marbles



Credit Cards



Coke Can Smoothie



Golf balls



Ice into snow



Coke + Chicken = Cochicken



Extra Value Meal